Don't let the door hit ya' '08!

This year has been tough. Death, Robberies, Disease, Recession, Disapointment,Rejection.

It has flat out sucked.

I learned alot this year though and I decided I'd share it...

~appreciate my loved ones, and talk to them more, get to know them really.

~smile more, because life is too short to spend it frowning.

~understand the idea of earning, spending, and saving..because it's always good to do a little, as Daddy Dukes would say "cutting back" once in a while.

~don't trust so easily, because people aren't always what they show me.

~BE WHO YOU ARE. <--This is my most important one, I never was who I really am untill recently, and it feels so good to finally be me.

~Stop and appreciate the life in front of me, because so many people don't have what I have.

Those are my broad ideas, but I have learned more and more what it means to just appreciate.

Appreciate my family, my friends, my valuables, whatever it may be, just be grateful.

I lived my life very different before, always looking to get this person to like me, and look like this person, but now, I have learned, due to some key people in my life, that I can't be something that I'm not, and the faster I learn that, the better off I'll be. And I have.

The passing of my uncle, made me regret not ever talking to him, for real. It put into perspective how much of my life I spend just "going through the motions", never really stopping and paying attention. Appreciating the way the moon looks that day, laughing about something my brothers said, asking my grandparents to tell me stories of "when they were a kid."

Goodbye 2008. You've been a horrible year. I hope nothing as bad as this year ever happens to me or my family ever again. But it's over, we have a fresh start.

So yes, for the new year, I will try to loose weight, and I will try to be nicer, but my real new years resolution...

To listen, watch, understand, and appreciate the life I was given, and notice the little things that make it wonderful.

We didnt use too many napkins, I swear!

It's done.. the first milestone for my family without my dear uncle, yet, I find myself more upset. I still dont think it's fair..

Saturday was my baby cousins first birthday, and what a birthday it was.. chubby little legs in a cute little outfit and mashed into the walker.. he zoomed around the dance floor, with other babies and kids running around around him..stopping to pinch his cheek every once in a while(I dont think his big sister stopped running once..) DJ, Balloons, and Shirley Temples, the whole nine yards.. except one thing.. his grandpa. Here this little baby clings to his mommy, as we all sing happy birthday to him, and Grandpas not there to see it.. quite frankly, I think it's the saddest part of the whole thing.Its not fair at all, WHY? why does that bouncing beautiful baby boy, as well as his sister, and cousin have to grow up not knowing the great man that was their Grandpa. But, my uncle would want us to do that for his grandchildren, so we will. Tomorrow it will be three months, and I cant believe it still, I went to look for him when I walked in to the party, expecting an embracing hug, and an attempt to tickle me, as I tried to pry away explaining to him "Uncle Phil, Im 15 years old.. hahah" but he wasnt there, in that place, was my aunt, with a fake smile on her face, and a loving hug that you cant help but give back..but what I would do to get it back one more time..to give him one last hug, knowing it was my last.. I cant even remember if I said good bye to him the last time I saw him, and it kills me, every time I think about it. I wish I would have gotten to know him more, sat down and had a conversation with him, a real one..not just a simple "yeah Im doing good in school..and yes, I want to be a teacher."

Uncle Phil, if your listening to this, Im so sorry.. I wish I took the time to get to know you, and I promise you right here.. I will never take anyone for granted ever again. I love you, and I miss you, and even though I dont see them all the time, I'll watch out for your grandkids, and your family as best as I can, I love you.

No I in Team..

well, let me tell you something.. i.am.not.a.sports.person.or so i thought...
an old, dear, friend of mine, lets call her...Snowflake(insider,you wont get it.), recently made it to the county championships with her soccer team, and boy,were they proud. they were not just teammates, they were a family.. and they put everything they had into this season. now.. 1. i hate soccer. 2. it was pouring out today, and very cold. and 3. i have no clothes to wear in the rain, or the cold.. yet, i packed up my bag, and drove a half hour with another one of my friends too see this little chica and her "family" play one hell of a game. After going into overtime at 0-0, they lost at the last shot of a shootout.. some girls just sat down and looked at the ground.. others lay on the floor crying, and others standing there in shock, not realizing they just lost their chance at state champions. Mind you, i was soaked, numb, and hungry... but at that second, my heart sank for these girls.. i couldn't imagine it.. one of the girls on the team, happens to be my neighbor, and she is the star player on the team, and she told me the other day, with excitement in her eyes.. "sam, it will be the first time we go to states, I'm so excited." and that's all i could think about as i watched her sit on that field, and while all her hopes, fly away. I don't understand.. they cant just call it a tie and give everyone a trophy like we did when we were younger and kicked the ball into the wrong net.. why is it fair that each team works so hard and only one gets the gold?
this got me thinking, i would really love to be apart of a team, i mean, yes i play basketball, but that team changes every year.. some of these girls have been playing together for years, they depend on each other for everything, and no one comes in between your teammates. i dont know what i would join, cause i cant kick, throw, or catch a ball for my life, and its too late to join cheerleading now, unless i wanna be on the B team.. but then it hit me, i am apart of a team, it may not be sports, but my singing groups are my family.. and i Love them all so much, it really has taught me to appreciate my team, because without them, there would be no competition, there would be no winning, and there would be no gold. but also without them, there would be no passion, there would be no disappointment, and then there would be no redemption.

so to those disappointed soccer girls, don't be so down because even though you don't know me at all, and you will never read this, but you really made us proud tonight.. and even though your not state champs.. your Suffolk county champs.. and your our champs.. and that's good enough for uss.

just a thought...

Confirmed in christ..or so they say...

Being an active member in my church choir, I often find myself wondering.. do I actually have a relationship with God? or his music? Do I look forward to going to church to get away from everything and just be myself with my choir whom I love so much? Or am I really there to appreciate my religion and everything it has to offer me? Truth is, a little of both.

Pertaining to the music part, yes.. I do love it. I've been in my music ministry for eight years, and have loved every second of it. When it comes to music telling you a story, no story comes to me more vividly then the story of Jesus Christ. So..who is the big JC really to me?

With one of our cantors(announcer/leader of song) away on her honeymoon, and another with too many AP classes to take a day off of school, they were left with me, with my only experience being the leader of the children's choir. Scared as I was to sing in front of the Bishop, even though he was just a little guy with a funny hat, I have to say something changed with me today on that alter. As I clearly and as confident as I knew how, welcomed the confirmation children and their families, I noticed something that never really hit me before. There are generations of grandparents, parents, and children, all together to celebrate this wonderful step of life these kids are taking, and they have no idea what to do. Call me old fashion, but to wear flip flops to a confirmation is outrageous to me, (and believe me, my feet were begging my to take my 4'' babies off.) How? How can these parents, deprive their children, and their children's children the chance to decide for themselves if they want to have a relationship with God or not? Yes, they are there.. but are they listening..no. While the kids renew their baptismal promises...a big part of the days events, they aren't even responding with the simple statement of " I do." Let alone know what it means. Its the first time in their lives that they get to decide if they do or not, DO they believe in God the father? DO they reject Satan and all his works? yet, some were not even listening! I don't get how parents don't see the importance of religion in a kids life, it gives them a place to go, someone to listen to them when the world walks out. Now, this is when i realized, I AM there for myself and for my choir. Affectionately known as my churchies, or as we call ourselves "the d-Kr3w." All of us sharing this love of music and the Lord, I AM there for them. Yet, I'm also there for myself.. my family has always instilled in me the value of religion ( Twan and BabyBro too.) But I have really learned to grow in my faith more than my brothers, being that BabyBro is still a kid, will see what happens. I truly think that my relationship with my parents, my family, my friends, and the big guy himself all benefit from my acceptance of my religion. Although I'm often mocked about being the "good church girl" I really don't care anymore. Religion is apart of me, and it always will be, and it really saddens me to know that some kids will never get to feel the sense of comfort I get when I walk in that church door. I never knew why I loved going to church so much, or if I really DO believe.. but as our profession of faith goes oh so well, "I believe in one God, the maker of heaven and earth, and all things seen and unseen" .. its called Faith.

Dramatics.Dramatics.Dramatics.

When it comes down to it, I am a theatre geek. I love the stage, the lights, the make-up and believe it or not, I love the feeling of giving up everything else in your life for months at a time, to practice for one weekend on the stage. Yes, the sacrifices do get to me, the constant missed dinners with my family, as BabyBro says, "Sam, your going out AGAIN?" and the feeling of not knowing when I'm actually going to get to bed that night, because I have a test in the morning, and I don't get home form rehearsal until 10 o'clock. Yet, it's amazing how my fellow thespians become my adoptive family for the time being. Yes, I might have a test in the morning, but it doesn't matter, because I have my family at rehearsal waiting to help me with my homework on our dinner break. And I miss eating dinner with my family, but it makes early Sunday dinners at my AuntieStar's house,listening to your typical Italian family yell about how we forgot to eat the lobster tail pastry from BK with the espresso, that much more important. So, yes I might eat goldfish for dinner, and not have a set bedtime that week, but hey! I get the best of both worlds!

On My Stage...

Besides on the actual stage, I guess you could say we humans live our lives kind of like a play. Everyone is assigned a role in life, and we all try to be the best part we can be, or so we're suppose to. Some of us play leading roles in our lives, while some sink to the back, and play supporting roles, only living life because they have to, never really appreciating what it has to offer. In my play, I am the director, and the leading role, well one of them. I have quite a few supporting actresses in my life that help me put on the best show I know how....

Lets see...
I have my best friend of 15 years, who we will call Gi. Eccentric to the extreme, and never afraid to be who she really is. 15 years, and never had a fight. I guess you can say shes my voice of reason, the only person who can calm me down when I'm in a rage. She's kinda like Benevolio was to Romeo, my right hand man... or women. =P

And I cant forget my oh,so complicated friend,(we'll call her Bookworm), driven by her desire to become an educated, sophisticated, upstanding citizen of this great country we live in, she is by far one of the most irritating people, when it comes to schoolwork. But do I admire her for everything she works SO hard for? You can bet your bottom dollar I do. Never have I met someone who feels things so full-bodied and deep, although some may see her ability to cry over the littlest thing as a sign of weakness, I honestly believe she is one of the most outstanding people I know, although I spend most of my time making fun of her(she makes it so easy) I truly appreciate having her in my life and don't know what I'd do without her...not to mention she shares my love of music, which is always a plus.


Among them, I have many supporting actresses that help make this world we live in a Broadway hit. Filling my days with laughter, and happiness is definitely a key component, but being there when the going gets tough is the one thing I ask, and they always follow through.

Here Goes Nothing...

Hello, names Sam. Emotional, compassionate, and mature could be a few words to describe me. But who am I really? I couldn't tell you. Maybe that's why I'm starting this.. to figure out who I am, and what I want to be. Don't get me wrong, I know my main goals in life but when I'm old, and I've watched my last child get married.. what do I want to look back on and be proud of?
I.
Don't.
Know.

A little of what I do know..
1. I treasure my family more than anything. I'm the eldest of three children, two younger brothers whom I will affectionately refer to as Twan(don't ask) and BabyBro. Twan, my middle brother, the calm,cool,and collected one in the family, who balances my eccentric personality better then anyone I know, and BabyBro, the sweetest, smartest, little boy I've ever laid eyes on. My brothers mean the world to me, no matter what the situation, I can honestly say that nothing and no one will ever change the love I have for those two boys. My MommyDearest, who inspired me to start this thing, a strong-willed, quite comical, stay-at-home mom extraordinaire, who doesn't understand the pride we have in calling her mom. And my Daddio, a prime example of everything I hope to find in a husband and a father of my children when I'm grown and married.

2. I love music. It is, as a family friend would say, "my passion". Say what you will, but there is something about music that changes my mood instantly. Wither I'm playing it, singing it, or listening to someone play/sing it, it takes my breath away. Now, when I say "music", do not get confused with the music you would hear on a common radio station, I'm talking about real music, where the sound can tell me a story without using a word.

3. I'm generally happy with my life. Besides my family, and my music, I live a very full life. I have a decent amount of friends who I can really trust, I'm a good student, and I know I will go far in life.. but it brings me back to my question.. where do i want to go?