It's done.. the first milestone for my family without my dear uncle, yet, I find myself more upset. I still dont think it's fair..
Saturday was my baby cousins first birthday, and what a birthday it was.. chubby little legs in a cute little outfit and mashed into the walker.. he zoomed around the dance floor, with other babies and kids running around around him..stopping to pinch his cheek every once in a while(I dont think his big sister stopped running once..) DJ, Balloons, and Shirley Temples, the whole nine yards.. except one thing.. his grandpa. Here this little baby clings to his mommy, as we all sing happy birthday to him, and Grandpas not there to see it.. quite frankly, I think it's the saddest part of the whole thing.Its not fair at all, WHY? why does that bouncing beautiful baby boy, as well as his sister, and cousin have to grow up not knowing the great man that was their Grandpa. But, my uncle would want us to do that for his grandchildren, so we will. Tomorrow it will be three months, and I cant believe it still, I went to look for him when I walked in to the party, expecting an embracing hug, and an attempt to tickle me, as I tried to pry away explaining to him "Uncle Phil, Im 15 years old.. hahah" but he wasnt there, in that place, was my aunt, with a fake smile on her face, and a loving hug that you cant help but give back..but what I would do to get it back one more time..to give him one last hug, knowing it was my last.. I cant even remember if I said good bye to him the last time I saw him, and it kills me, every time I think about it. I wish I would have gotten to know him more, sat down and had a conversation with him, a real one..not just a simple "yeah Im doing good in school..and yes, I want to be a teacher."
Uncle Phil, if your listening to this, Im so sorry.. I wish I took the time to get to know you, and I promise you right here.. I will never take anyone for granted ever again. I love you, and I miss you, and even though I dont see them all the time, I'll watch out for your grandkids, and your family as best as I can, I love you.
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2 comments:
..and there are times like these that remind me how wonderful you are. You are truly and old soul, always have been. Uncle Phil loved you..You were the first baby remember? Don't worry he knows.
I love you.
Samantha.....although this blog was apparently hidden from daddy dearest....I would have to agree with your mom that you simply are a wonderful inspiring young lady and I look forward to the days ahead when I can see all your potential come to fruition. You along with your brothers provide me with the inspiration to strive for wonderful things...I only hope that we provide you with the same inspiration.
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